I Have been Angry at You

I have been angry at you for being who you are.  I have been sad for myself for what you are not.  This is not fair to you or to myself.  I need to shift into acceptance.  To accept you for who you are and what you are and stop trying to make you meet my needs.  To accept responsibility for my own life and my happiness, rather than expecting you to be those things.

I married you with the fantasy that you would be everything I want and need and that you would dedicate your life to my happiness.  You were supposed to be my happiness dealer, the well of my satisfaction, just waiting for me to draw my joy from you.  You were supposed to make everything okay. 

Maturity is beginning to teach me that all I need to do is love you.  All I need to do is look within myself to find my source of love and happiness.  I get to be accountable to myself and make decisions for my own life.  I can decide to simply live my life and be who I am.  This allows me to grant you the same freedom without judging you for being you.

I still want to have a lover in my life but it is not fair to attempt to make you into my fantasy lover.  As I learn to be the lover of myself and understand that I am loved, I lose the desperation for love.  I am no longer angry at you.  I now can surrender my desires for love to the Divine and know that it has always been there.