Have You Buried Your Dead?

The losses overwhelm me.  I grieve and yet find no release.  I feel myself walking up a hill, my boots heavy on the concrete path beneath me.  The string of coffins drags behind me, tied in a row by chains around my waist.  My days are long, the nights are longer.

Desperately I search for peace, to know once again the quiet of my mind and lightness of heart.  Have you buried your dead, the Desert Fathers said? The question stings like an arrow, piercing the veil of my blindness.  Suddenly I see what must be done.

I set my mind to the tasks undone.  The headstone must be set in place.  The memories left behind must be sorted and decisions made.  What will I take?  What will I leave?  What now belongs to whom?  I reach out to those who also know the loss and discover I can lift their spirit as they lift mine.

The dead are still dead and buried in the ground.  Yet they are also alive as I know them in new ways within me.  Sometimes I still cry, but a smile too finds my face as I think of them now.  My step is quicker, my heart is free to love them in new relationship.  Gratitude shares space with sorrow, as the sun shares space with the moon.

Keep Your Broken Heart Open

I don’t understand, she said.  I had a great trip being by myself experiencing the beauty of the gorgeous national park around me.  I was not lonely and I felt very much in tune with nature and I felt happy.  And then as I was driving home I was overcome by a deep sadness and I found myself weeping.  It is a familiar sadness that comes and goes.

I know some of the sadness is still about him, the man who broke up with me several months ago.  I am still grieving that loss, even though I can see now he wasn’t really a good partner for me in many ways.  Since then I have grown in my ability to accept myself, feel good about my life, and have much more clarity of what kind of a partner I want to be with.  And yet, this sadness. Read more

Wait, Pray, Listen

Dear Wounded One,

Stop working so hard to please her, hoping to receive the nurturing and validation you desperately desire.  Stop seeking it elsewhere when she won’t give you what you want.  Take ownership of that desire and realize it must be fulfilled from within.  You must learn to love and heal yourself.  When you own that and turn your focus within, you find you are not alone after all.  You are, in fact, part of the human community, connected to all.   You begin to see that Love is all around you and Love shows up in small acts of kindness from strangers, in affirming smiles, and the beauty of nature. Read more