Author: tom_oss

On December 25, 1914 the guns of British and German soldiers fell silent, and soldiers sang carols in No Man’s Land. The Christmas truce during WWI happened spontaneously as soldiers on both sides heard their enemies singing carols. A few brave men climbed out of their trenches to exchange Christmas greetings and then began to exchange food, sing carols together, tell jokes, and even play soccer. The unauthorized truce spread along the 500-mile Western Front, including more than 100,000 men. It was a day of peace in the midst of war.

I think that is an extraordinary story that reveals a deeper truth known instinctively by these soldiers that only love and peace are real and sane and it is how we are meant to live. War, poverty, crime, pollution, and other forms of fear and destruction are distortions and indications of our collective wandering off of the path of love. Read more

As Valentine’s Day approaches couples around the world begin to think more about setting up the perfect romantic date.  Flowers, chocolates, jewelry, dinner, theater, or a bed and breakfast are all traditional ingredients of great dates.  Others prefer much more simple and low key options such as taking a hike together or sharing a cup of coffee.  What really matters is not the activities or the amount of money spent but the quality of the time spent together.  Do you enjoy one another’s company?  Do you listen deeply to one another?  Do you show up to each other with vulnerability and respect?

Research from social-science studies supports the importance of couple’s taking one on one time on a regular basis.  According to a 2012 report by The National Marriage Project from the University of Virginia, the literature suggests that date nights may improve communication, increase fun, create more romantic feelings, strengthen commitment, and reduce feelings of stress.  Furthermore, taking couple time together at least once a week has a positive correlation with happy relationships.  The study also found that women who went on weekly dates with their husbands experienced Read more

The road of recovery is not the same as the path of despair. Many, perhaps most people fear allowing themselves to feel their darker feelings because they remember times of being overwhelmed or crushed by them.  Consequently most of us find creative, elaborate, or self-destructive ways to avoid being in touch with our painful memories and feelings.

When you walked the path of despair you did so not knowing why you felt so bad and you felt completely alone.  You felt no one understood or could possibly know what you were going through.  The roots of your despair were yet unconscious.  You feared being swallowed up by the grief and the darkness. Read more

Why are some people better at achieving their goals than others? Why have you been successful at achieving some of your goals and not others? Why do most New Year’s resolutions fail? Many times we assume success comes because of who we are; how talented, smart, or lucky we are. Decades of research on motivation and achievement suggests that success in achieving personal and professional goals is not so much because of who you are, rather it is because of what you do. Therefore, success in achieving goals can be boiled down to three critical steps: 1) Setting the right kind of goals, 2) Creating an actionable action plan, 3) Effective execution. I have taken these three steps and created an easy to follow framework. Read more

One of the things I love to do is to read, reflect, and write about what helps people grow and become more whole and successful in life. The more I study and learn, the more I see how much we have in common as human beings and how much we share with all of life on this planet. Recently I have been reading the work of Brene Brown and I highly recommend her books and I decided to share some thoughts and reflections on success.

In the past I have written that success in relationships is determined by our willingness to work on two areas of personal development: growing up and showing up. As I think about it, I believe these are the keys to success in general. The good news is these are things we can all work on and improve every single day. The even better news is it is a lifelong journey, which keeps life interesting and challenging to the very end. Read more